Personally, I don't think I am the stereotype mother-in-law, then again, that's my opinion. I have only one son-in-law and thank the heavens it's enough. Basically, he's a good person. I call him Fertilizer Boy and shall hence forth be referred to as " FB". Why do I call him FB you might ask. I'll tell you. Since my daughter married him, there are times I have wanted to bury him in my rose bushes and use him for fertilizer. My mantra where he is concerned seems to be, " He's young. He'll grow up. We're all a product of our enviroment. There's still a chance". Of course, there is the fact that my daughter has to sleep with him (Gee, I sound like my mother about now) and I don't. She set her sights on him from high school. Several years and one daughter later, she married him. Like I said, he's a good person. He loves my granddaughter as if she was his own flesh and blood. He does look after the kids, my daughter has CFS and a host of other illnesses. In her own words, she's a poster child for medical problems. She's trying to learn to live with it, he's trying to live with it and I'm trying to stay out of it. Now and then though, I want to go "POW" straight to the moon. Oh, let me add here, my daughter is not blameless in all this and she does get an earful from me when I do need to say something.
Example: They live from check to check and scrape by. He went back to school on the GI bill and on his VA disability. Sometime over Thanksgiving, his brother (the one home from Iraq) gave him $1,000.00 to spend on himself. We don't know what the exact conversation was that took place between the brothers, but it ended up with FB getting a check for $1000.00. He didn't mention it to my daughter. She found the check when his wallet fell out of his pants and came open. Long story short, he bought himself a laptop AND borrowed an extra $300.00 from a friend to get it. The friend is suppose to get his money back via some rebates FB has coming to him. FB has wanted this laptop, he didn't really need it. Who needs a laptop really when you come right down to it? My daughter wanted him to have one but told him it had to wait until they could afford it. So much for that. Oh, did I mention that after she found out about the check, FB told her she couldn't tell me about it or his dad? Why? Because if they got into a financial emergency, I wouldn't help them out if I knew about it. Damn skippy. At least he kinda knows me.
Needless to say, my daughter advised FB that if and when my granddaughter's sperm donor ever coughed up child support, he wasn't seeing any of it, period...well at least a $1000.00 of it. She recently got some money from the county in relation to collections. True to her word, he didn't see any of it. He isn't happy. He also isn't happy that she didn't tell him when she got the checks. She reminded him that he didn't tell her about his check. Stalemate.
Example 2: When they lived here with us, he was a slob. They had to move out. They moved in with his parents. She was deemed the slob and could do no right. They got into fight one night and his father got in her face and yelled at her to shut up. FB let him. Then FB took their son and locked themselves into his parents room and wouldn't let her take their son with her when she came over to my house for the next night or two. When I came for her, his father made it abundantly clear that she wasn't taking the boy anywhere. It was a good thing I was on his property. His mother proceeded to tell me what an awful slob my daughter was and how my daughter spent money like it was water and was ruining her son financially. Not exacftly those words, but it meant the same thing. Needless to say, I told her what I experienced with their son and then we left, minus the baby, called the sheriff dept and found out her options. Like always, they worked things out, especially when he figured out that he was not going to get custody of his son. They always manage to work it out.
Example 3: FB is flunking a couple of hard college classes. Who's fault is it? His wife's. She always has him doing things. Well yeah. However in her defense, she tells him over and over to let her know that he has homework and she will make sure he has the time alone to get it done. Recently she found out that he could be doing extra credit to help pass. He's known it for awhile now. He hasn't done it yet. Why? Her fault. She has him doing things. He's known for many days, if not weeks now. No excuse. He rather play on the Playstation.
He can be an irritating little chit in a friendly sort of way. He buys me gnomes for my garden. I think gnomes are cliche. I accept them in the spirit they are given, with humor and friendship. He helps buy cards or presents for me and his input is pretty good. He loves his children and takes care of them as much, if not more, than their own mother does sometimes because of her illnesses. He stands by my daughter even though she tries his patience and his nerves.
My daughter is no angel. She can't even begin to claim sainthood. She could keep house better. She could do alot of things better when she's feeling up to par. She knows it too. There are more examples but I won't even go into them. Why is she still with him? She sees the good things. She sees the possibilities. I applaud her and I listen when she needs an ear to chew on. This is her life to work out, not mine. I've been there, gotten the t-shirt and shredded the damn thing, moved on.
As for me, I like my sanity, what little I have left. I stay out of it. I don't even offer advise. Most times when I think about FB, I still want that shovel.
