In Honor, Respect and Profound Gratitude

I sent my hubby off a little bit ago to carry out his Honor Guard duty at the Civic Center. He's looking quite handsome in his uniform. Yes, he cleans up quite nicely, thank you. Today, he does not just represent one branch of service, today he represents all veterans, those who gave their lives and those who are still here.

I read an article in yesterday's paper how the Dept of Veterans Affairs has one of the biggest budgets in our country today. I could go get the exact figures and quote them to you, but that is not my focus today. I also have read where veteran hospitals are being shut down around the country and others are being built. There are articles about the lack of prompt health care or even no health care for certain things. There was also a portion in the paper yesterday about a politician who questions if we, the people, should be caring for all the veterans' problems that aren't service connected. Can someone explain THAT one to me? How can anything not be service connected or service related? We're talking about an individual here, one body with parts. One thing always effects something else in the long run. My answer to this politician is, yes, we should be caring for our veterans, period. They offered up their lives, they went into combat, saw things, did things we can only imagine and some we can't. Many of them came home, forever changed and some never came home at all.

Here, in Shasta County there was a big stink about making a veterans cemetery, a cemetery for Lady's sake. All these people wanted was someplace to bury their loved ones' remains with the honor, dignity and acknowledgment they deserved and all the politicians wanted to do was argue over who the hell was going to pay for it. It took veterans, widows of veterans and other loved ones going to Sacramento and lining the Capital steps with urns and representative caskets to get these politicians off their crabbing and actually do something. Why? Don't talk to me of money. Yes, it's a necessary evil, but we all wouldn't be worrying about money if these veterans hadn't done their job. Maybe some of those politicians should take a pay cut to show their respect for service people who made it possible for them to sit up there at Capital Hill and crab about how to run our state, spend our money or make it possible for them to live comfortably in their neat, expensive houses and drive their SUVs or have that expense account so they can smooze some guy into voting their way.

Btw, we got our cemetery and with the federal monies promised, but not without compromise. At least now those widows will have someplace of honor to inter their loved ones remains instead of the urns sitting on their mantles at home.

For those who are griping about what a lousy President we have, including those who even now wear the uniform, at least give a moment of thanks for those who have gone before you and made it possible for you to gripe today. Say thank you for those who now work to ensure that we never have to live in fear of random acts of violence that has such vagrant disregard for human innocence and life. While you are at it, say a prayer that we never have to live with the threat that such terrorism as we experienced with 9/11 will never touch our shores again.

Human life is precious and war is a vicious evil necessity. I wish it weren't so, but until human nature evolves, there will always be someone with a great arrogance and a sadistic nature. There will also be the shining glory of courage, the belief that if freedom and peace can not be kept with talks, resolutions and respect, that there will be people out there always willing to defend and fight to the death if necessary to maintain and secure the gift of prosperity and freedom for all.

For those of you who have gone before, I thank you. I owe you more than I can ever repay. Because of you, I have children and grandchildren who have wonderful lives, children who have never feared speaking their minds or have the opportunity to become what they dream of. You made it possible for me to have my dreams. You laid down your life for me and mine that we might prosper in a land that is free.

For those of you who are now, May the Lady's Grace shine upon you and keep you safely so that you may return to your loved ones and bear the torch so all those who sacrificed so much will not be forgotten. Thank you for your dedication, willingness to serve and your faith in the very principles that this country is built upon. Thank you for believing in the necessity. Thank you for showing compassion.

One day there will be a time when arrogance and greed will be subdued before it can even come to any kind of dark fruition so that humanity will never have to bear scars. Until then, I thank the Lady that there are those who are willing to brave the shadows and secure the Light.

Did You Ever Wonder?

Have you ever wondered what happened to someone from your past? It doesn't happen to me very often, more like once in a blue moon. I am not one to look backwards.

He was a MSG in the Army, stationed at Schofield Barracks, Field Artillery. I had never met a man like him before or since. As far as I can gather, he still lives in Virginia.

I was working for a prominent non-profit on Schofield back then. I still live here, in Northern Calif, where I told him I was going upon leaving the island.

Our story doesn't matter except for me to say that I hope he has found some happiness, some peace in his life. He meant a great deal to me back then and he will always mean a great deal to me. He gave me back a part of myself that I thought I would never recover. He gave me back faith and belief in myself. If things had been different, our lives would have been different. They don't grow men like him on trees and my Momma didn't raise a fool. However, that is all moot. Both of us at the time were going through so much turmoil and hurt. There was no other way for things to turn out other than the way they did. I know I was responsible for some of that turmoil in his life and I wish I could apologise for it, but I can't. I will not put myself in any way, shape or form, in his life again. It is better to let sleeping dogs lie. We're both different people today, I'm sure.

If I had but one wish to give, it would be that L.A. is happy. Some part of me wants to know that for a fact, because he gave me so much, much more than he could ever possibly know. I guess I'll just have wish it upon a star.

Good Night , Mr. Bear Wherever You Are

If Jim Croce can ask for time in a bottle, I want to ask for some 7 year old energy in one. How do they do it? They get up early and don't slow down until it's time for bed, even then it's one last hurrah, a bedtime story.

I had such high hopes for today. Did I accomplish any of them? Nope. What did I do instead? I humored a little seven year old girl. We played, we baked (pineapple upside down cake from scratch), we sent email to each other, we watched the antics of Mr. Bear, Penguin and the Taco Bell Dog and had giggling fits. We colored pictures, I cut bangs and french braided hair. No doubt before she goes home sometime tomorrow I'll be sporting a colorful new look all under the guise of a makeover. Maybe I can apply as understudy for the Drew Carey Show. Mimi won't hold a candle to me. My little makeup artist is rather good at makeup actually. She should be, grandma use to design makeup charts and apply it for stage productions. She just likes to believe she shocks me and I let her.

My writing partner is an angel. I totally ignored him today when I had mentioned I hoped to be able to play. He's also the reason for the shared giggles and for that I could kiss him. A cyberhug will have to do.

Maybe today didn't go exactly as I had hoped, but I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. One of these days I won't be around to do these things any more and Mr. Bear, Penguin and Taco Bell Dog won't be either but somewhere will be a little lady who fondly remembers her Meh-Meh and how they baked pineapple upside down cake together, how a glass got accidently broken and no one got yelled at, how peanut better on a spoon tasted so good and how the simple antics of a sweet man she never met except through a computer monitor and a few stuffed animals brightened her day.

Good Night Mr. Bear.
Stay away from that keyboard and sweet dreams.

Good Night, Sir Knight.
Thank You from all of my heart.

Midnight at the Oasis

( It isn't midnight, but hey, it's close enough)Today was filled with work, so I can play more this weekend, and today was filled with time for the grandbabies. The Grandson likes the plastic golf clubs grandma and grandpa bought (we're more commonly known as Meh-Meh and Papa. I got Meh-Meh because Pookie couldn't say Grandma and Meh-Meh came out, it stuck). The only near thing was yours truly dodging a swinging golf club. Hell yes, I yelled, that boy has a wicked swing.

If there were any tornado warnings tonight, rest easy, the darn thing landed in my livingroom.

I did have some deep thoughts rummaging around in my gray matter, even if it isn't my day for the Cell. That's okay though, I get an extra day...muhahaha.. I get the 31st and the 1st. Odd days, gotta love 'em. Okay back to the deep thoughts before I crash.

I have very few women friends. I have never been comfortable around women. The best I can remember was when I was a little girl, even then, I was a tomboy. Maybe it was because my father wanted a boy first and he got 'em last. He raised me like a boy. Maybe it was because my mom, whom I adore, never felt comfortable with displays of affection. Whatever the reason, the bottom line is I have very few close women friends and even fewer that I feel comfortable around being simply unadorned me.

The women I do call friends, I love dearly. They are funny, intelligent, insightful and just simply beautiful.

I can tell the seas are rough for one of my friends and I'd like nothing better than to talk to her about it but I'm not going to. It's not a matter of letting her off the hook per se, but rather the knowledge that I've been there, done that and learned something invaluable of myself. I want her to find it too. There is no one anywhere that can change her situation but her. All her friends can talk to her until they're blue in the face and in the end, the decisions, the choices, are hers and hers alone.

Life is about choices, good, bad or indifferent and in the end, it's also about tolerance. To the greater degree, we commandeer our own ship.

If I don't like something on tv, I turn the channel or turn it off. If I don't like something I read in email, I delete it. Life really is simple. Don't tell me it's complicated, it's not. Excuses make it complicated. Fear makes it complicated. Each of us has to decide for ourselves what we will tolerate and put up with and what we won't. If I am putting up with something that's making me bitch, then I better shut-up and quit whining because I decided to accept things that way. Life isn't easy. If it were easy, what would be its worth?

Over the course of 17 years I tolerated a lot. I made the excuses...I played the martyr.. I played the woeful drama queen... until I found myself backed into a painful corner and what does an animal do when it's backed into a corner? It finally has to fight its way out. It wasn't pleasant, it wasn't pretty and it damn well was scary as hell. I learned that I could be on my own and appreciate being alone. I worried about how to feed my family, keep clothes on their backs and how the hell I was going to fix the roof, but you know what? I managed it all and more importantly, after a time, I didn't hurt inside any more..not like that.. No woman and I mean NO WOMAN should go through that kind of emotional and mental pain. It wasn't physical. Sometimes I wish it had been, that would have been easier to deal with... slap a band-aid on it and suck it up. I knew how to do that..but to set about finding out who I was and what I was made of, that was a whole other kettle of fish.

Do I have sympathy for my friend? Maybe just a little. My heart hurts with hers. In the end, it's about each of us. This is an individual journey and we only get one shot at this certain journey. We either learn to accept and live with the people in our lives the way they are or we try to find compromises we both are willing to make or we move on. Bottom Line.

Friends are wonderful. They love us despite our faults. They listen to us bitch. They cry with us, they laugh with us, they reassure us. They are there when we need them for support and laughter and more importantly, for a reality check. They give us everything and let us get away with nothing. Truth hurts. Reality hurts. Love hurts. And all three Heal.

Dancing With Joy

She's back. I got my baby girl back this morning. She's a bit on the reserved side and skittish. She's afraid we're going to take her back there again. They gave her a pain patch and because she is such a mellow, good dog they weren't sure if it was the after effects of surgery or the patch that made her so quiet. The doc rather err on the side of caution. They also had someone with her all night to keep a watch on her.

You know, it seems like a lot of trouble to go through for an animal, not to mention the expense, at least, at one time I would have thought so. At one time there was no way I could afford that kind of care. My children are grown, they have money of their own so I can do this and besides which, these are my babies. They are like another set of kids to raise. Their capacity to love is so deep and true and selfless. Okay, so I have to make sure they get their goodies, but that's such a small thing to want in return for what they give us.

I took a wee nap finally and no, I didn't get any sleep last night. Ask my hubby, if you can understand him through his yawns. Poor baby.

EEP! I would write more but I better get off this thing. The sky above has opened up and I hear thunder.

Another one of those thingies to start my day with-Yay

D	Dangerous
A	Adventurous
S	Sensitive
H	Happy
R	Rounded
O	Outrageous
O	Outrageous
M	Modern

Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

Grumblings of a Young Mind

My youngest just turned 20 this past April. Good kid. Really. He has his quirks. He hates having his routine, in anything, broken. It unnerves him and I know it, that's why I try to soften the edges when I can. Getting him through my divorce after 20 years, moving to new place, out in the sticks no less and eventually finding someone new to share my life with has not been easy for him. He's done good for the most part. There were rocky sailings and eventually adjustments, but like I said, he's a good kid. Give him some space and time and he comes around. The other thing he doesn't like, typical if you ask me, is that when he wants to do something and Mom puts a stick in his tricycle wheel.

For instance, the other day I was taking a shower and he wanted to go hang with his friend after work. I have no problem with that. He doesn't pay rent or for anything else at the moment but paying us back for buying his car and making the necessary repairs. He's been doing that. He's almost got it paid off too. I am proud of him for showing responsibility. I think it has finally sunk in that he continues to have a few chores around the house to perform simply because he still does live here. Well, when chores get in the way of what he wants, he gets sulky. He knocked on my bathroom door and told me he wanted to go out with his friend. When I asked about his chores, I got lip and attitude. Okay, by now this young man is the third in line. Doesn't he realize I've heard it all before? I am not moved. Basically it went like this:

" Mom? I'm going out for awhile, okay?"
" Okay. Did you do your chores already?"
" No, I'll do them when I get back. " (yeah right, we've played that game before)
" No. Do them NOW. You're going to tell me you're too tired when you get back."
" Mom!" (insert long whine here as my name is drawn out)
" Do it! " ( more low mutterings that my 'mom ears' hear even with the shower on)
" Mom, you just want to control me all the time or something. "
" I'll buy you a dog collar for Christmas."

Silence followed by a wake of slightly stomping feet.

The chores got done.

His friends aren't sure what to make of me. The boyo quite fondly calls me a bitch. You must understand, it is not done in a nasty tone of voice or meant disrespectfully because if it were, all of my five foot one and half inch frame would be at his six foot frame and up in his face. He's been there, done that and doesn't like the t-shirt. I'll tell you why I don't mind it either.

I am a bitch. I earned that title fair and square and I take pride in it. Ask anyone.

Just ask my kids. ~grin~

The Mid-Week Ooompah

Well, the mid-week hump started off fairly well. My writing partner is about. He got some sleep and was chit chatting this morning. That is always most welcomed. I also so looked forward to getting my baby girl, Cheyenne, back. Well, we were told we could go pick her up at 4pm today. ~sigh~ I just got a phone call. They want to keep her until morning. It seems like she is still in a bit more of a groggy state than they feel comfortable releasing her in. So, they asked if they can hold her until tomorrow morning. What choice do I have? Her health is of importance here. They did reassure me she is doing fine, just groggy. I am not surprised, not only did they have to hunt for the foxtail but they did the chip insertion and spaded her as well. ~pout~ I will not be completely relaxed until I have her home. At any rate, Skip has to run out so I asked him to stop by and check on her. I also want to know if they found a foxtail.

My granddaughter is a hoot. My daughter and family have been living in a small 2-bedroom apartment, anything larger is so expensive around here. That was about all they could afford after FB got out of the Army. He got out shortly after the 9/11 disaster. So, everything went to hell in a handbasket as we all well know. This all means that the granddaughter, whom hence forth shall be known by Pookie, and the grandson (3 yr old) have been having to share a room. Well they are moving by the first of July into a ground three bedroom..huzzah. So, back to my point, if you can imagine how having two children share a room, a small one, both quite different from the other and being a boy and a girl. ~chuckle~ One day her mother was in another room, but had her 'mother ears' on. She heard Pookie whisper to her brother, who was being a pest, " Wait until I get my hands on you. " My daughter yells my granddaughter's name and in response Pookie yells back ever so innocently, " Yes, Momma? " Hehehehe. She didn't realize Mom heard every word until Momma gave her a lecture on threatening her brother.

Hubby just called from the vet hospital. He wasn't able to see Cheyenne because of an emergency with another dog, but was reassured that our girl was resting comfortably and being thoroughly spoiled by the staff and eating it up too. Tomorrow morning after 9 am. Looks like another long night. ~sigh~

Next subject: What to make for dinner

At The End of the Day

Well, we took the puppies in, one got shots and my wee girl is staying in until tomorrow. The vet is not sure if she has a foxtail down her nostril or has sneezed it out but the concern is it lodging in her throat or being stuck in her nose. So, they'll put her to sleep and scope it. Now normally, I would not be so worried, but we lost our golden retriever after he underwent surgery at the same place. This vet hospital is very good and it's not a matter of my faith in them, but my fear. They are also, while she is under, going to spade her and insert a micro chip. She was such a good girl today, even the vet was amazed how well she sat still, most dogs don't. She is so petite, gentle and good. I'll just be happier once we get her back.

My concentration is shot, dammit. I also missed catching my writing partner online as well. I was sleeping. I'm just batting a thousand today. I think I'll call it a night and see if I can catch up on my sleep.

On a different note before I go... I must remember not to take my youngest's word for a good place to eat. I took my daughter there today for lunch. It wasn't a bad place really, just, kinda, blah...the food that is. The place itself is kinda cool, covered in veterans' memorabilia.. lots of history there.

So, journal.. it's one of those nights for me where I just call it a night, tomorrow's another day. Sleep well, people... until the morrow.

Poking The Muse?

Okay, here's the plan, start off small and work my way up. Think it'll work? I figure if I can get myself to blog at least once a day, maybe, just maybe, I'll get myself back into the habit of writing everyday. I know that writing is different, it feels awkward when I push myself but after a few false starts, I usually can turn out something decent. It may not be perfect, it may seem ~blech~ to me, but it usually isn't as bad as I think.

In the meantime, Good Morning, People! It's a lovely day here on my side of the world. Of course, I may just be loopy. I've been up since 3am. One of my babies (the shelties) has got one of those nasty little fox tails up her nose, I think. Those things worry me because they burrow in. I've seen what they can do between the toes of a dog and they will actually travel up the bloodstream or so I am told. She seems to be okay this morning, but a call to the vet is in order and a trip as well.

I'm out of here. I need to pick up the daughter for our two week ritual of getting our nails done and lunch.

Back later!

Of Camelot

It was great being in Camelot tonight. There was a knighting ceremony. The Hall was filled with people, warmth, laughter, a good time as well as having a solemn reminder of what Camelot stands for and what we hold most dear. I don't want to go into depth on any one thing tonight. The hour grows late and I haven't even eaten yet and I believe the rumbling I hear is a protest from my stomach. I will say this though, Camelot has been bogged down of late with darkness, high stress, frustration, high maintenance and even maybe arrogance. The channel is not arrogant but some of its residents are. It has been a memememe scenario. Look at me, I can solve anything you put in front of me. Look at me, I have all the answers, I can do anything. There is a certain lack of depth, a shortage of trails that show how a character grows as realistically as possible. Instead of all pulling together to save Camelot, there have been individual bids, in some cases, desperate bids, to pull her together and they have dismally failed.

Tonight.... tonight.. I saw Camelot as she once was, as I would like to see her again. A place where light and laughter rein... a place where, when adversity hits, all pull together to see her through. It should never fall upon any one individual's shoulders to hold her walls together. The duty lies within each of us that makes Camelot home.

Tonight, trestle tables were laden with foodstuffs and drink. There were flirtations, conversations, eating and making generally merry. We need pages to be pages, squires to be squires, knights to be knights. We need to see Nobles and Ladies, dragons and animals, common folk and fae folk.

To pull Camelot back from the mist she is quickly drifting into will take hard work, thankless work..there will be angry words spoken, disagreements..it will require faith and hope... much like I saw tonight...

Thank you good people of Camelot.. tonight I saw her glory once more..

A Tug at My Heart Strings

When I do watch tv one of the shows I never try to miss is, Extreme House Makeover. A crew of designers find a worthy person (or people) who so deserve to have their house made over. They send the occupants off for seven days somewhere with a cell phone and a laptop. Periodically, Ty calls or sends video conferencing to this people, who probably go into shock at seeing their home demolished or at least parts of it. Last night was no different. This show was about eight young people, siblings, who had lost their parents within two weeks of each other. The oldest two apparently had moved out on their own and when this happened, came home to take guardianship of their siblings. Without that sacrifice, the family more than likely would have been split up and sent to foster care. Their house was small for eight people, seven gals, one guy. By the time the Makeover team got done, there were eight bedrooms, a pool and a miniature golf course in the backyard. They gave these young people a fresh start on life. All the mementoes in the parents' bedroom were put into scrapbooks, some hung on a memory wall. There was a bathroom with seven sinks for the girls, 2 showers, a huge tub and two toilets. There was a bedroom and a private bath for the young man. I'm sure he was quite happy about that. Oh yes, and their mortgage was paid off too! The relief on their faces was heart wrenching and joyful to see.

I can't begin to detail the whole episode but it still stays with me today, moreso than any other episode I have thus far seen. It even makes me feel good to see the joy, the excitement and happiness on faces of people I don't even know. It's just the thought that out there, somewhere, are people who's lives are a little easier, a little happier and all because someone cares... even strangers.

Be Still My Heart ~grin~

Your Husband Generator by Lady_Galadriel
Name
Your Husband Is
You Met	a taxi - you shared the cab
You Have	1 child
You Live	czech republic
In	a normal semi-detached house
You And Your Partner Are Best Known For	your arguments
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

Who Made You My Keeper?

Yanno, I have a pet peeve(if you think there's only one ~snort~)....people who think it's not only their mission to educate us, but to save us. My biggest gripe at the moment? Obesity. I am by far so not the ideal stereotype woman. I am by far so not what is considered to be within the range of an ideal weight. There are many reasons I am this way, probably many bad habits picked up over the years. I am a product of my environment. I am a product of my genetic make-up. I am also a product of human injury and human experiences.

When I was much younger, I didn't care. Gravity hadn't gotten a hold on me and my mind simply didn't care. Nothing in this world comes without a price and it's one I am paying for now. Now I try to educate myself. I strive everyday to make some change in a routine that is as natural to me as breathing or sleeping. Some days, I do rather well, some are eh-eh and some are just a lost cause. Age, aging is a big help. I can't eat as I use to or what I use to, not without consequences and at my age, I am a big fan of comfort, that and I'm getting too old to ignore the consequences any longer.

I have no problem with people expounding the virtues of a more careful diet or what something is chock full of, what it can do to us if we keep using it or using it in large quanities.

What I have a problem with is people who have decided it is their life's goal to save us all. Who made you my keeper? Who died and made you my children's parent? Don't stuff your do's and do not's down my throat. Each person is responsible for their own health, their own decisions but at least, they are their own person in pursuit of their happiness. Does that little bit ring a bell? I think you'll find it in our constitution. There's this really cool thing called, freedom of choice. So it makes you wince to see some very heavy person walk down the street. What's it to you? Get a life, better yet, work on your own. There's your focus, a life of your own..go figure.

Your children don't have to be drinking that soda out of a soda machine at school. I got some news for you if you think removing them from the school is actually going to make the problem better. Better education and awareness can make them walk right past that machine, but removing their freedom of choice is only going to make them more determined to prove they are their own person. Hell, give them better eating choices and a better eating scenario at home. We really are a product of our environment.

Each of us controls how much fast food we eat or our young children eat. Give us the information, give us the facts, but don't start telling me what I should or should not be doing. Who made you my keeper?

I appreciate your concern, I do, really. I appreciate the vast volumes of information out there that can help me make intelligent and right choices for myself and my lifestyle. However, the next time you decide to save me from myself, don't. I am the captain of my own destiny and I like it that way.

One of those test thingies

Hmmmm...One of my friends posted this to her blog. I'll bite and do it. She's always doing these tests things in email when I ship them. I'm not all that sure I agree with most of these results, but some of them ring pretty damn close. Which ones? ~grin~ I'll leave that for those who know me well enough. Of course if I use the name everyone knows me by.. well, I think maybe both of these round out quite nicely, thankyouverymuch.

Your Love Situation by Amberishjewel
Username?
Your Love Is...	Hard
During Lovemaking You Act...	Like a volcano, hot & steamy
Your Partner Is...	Your support
Your Partner Has Said That You...	Are a good listener
Your Love is Summed Up In A Quote.	"You deserve a bed of roses"
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

Friday Night

Usually around here (sometimes fondly referred to as 'The Zoo')Friday nights are quite laid back. I have the munchkins(grandkids)on Fridays. Our granddaughter usually gets to spend the night and goes home on Saturday. Our grandson gets to stay until about 8pm and then gets driven home. He's just a bit too much of handful for grandma to keep overnight yet not to mention my house is just too small right now. Plans are in the works for renovation. Tonight I don't have the kids. First off little Miss Thing got in trouble at school. She is currently suffering from end-of-the-school-year-itis. It's a syndrome that takes a perfectly sweet, good child and turns them into a brat. I don't have the boy child tonight either, Grandma is suffering from a migraine. Damn, I'm beginning to think I am due for a major overhaul, barring that, maybe they should just take me out and shove me in the compost pile and leave me there.

I got the hubby to take mercy on me and go buy some bbq tri-tip for dinner so I wouldn't have to cook. Tomorrow is an early morning(6am) because of the rodeo parade. I'm not going but I get up with the hubby, get the coffee on, get him out the door, etc.

My sleep is broken up, a lot on my mind, I suppose. I don't mind confessing I am worried about my writing partner.... not that I am going to lose him... just worried about him in general. We've been together for a few years now and that's saying something. He's also one of the sweetest, most dearest men I know. I worry. Hard on the heel of him is thoughts of Camelot. I just don't have the energy to go into it right now. Maybe I'll devote an entire entry to Camelot one day soon. Speaking of Camelot, I didn't get to formate those three parts I finished writing either. Maybe tomorrow morning. Right now I've got two mischievous pups sneaking off with the hubby's polishing cloths, clean and unused of course. Damn critters are sneaky and fast!

I have got to take stock of my life, realize what is important and set things to order and cut what is not, adrift. I need to make myself carve out time, a certain time, for writing. There's always some thing or someone who comes along and sidetracks me from it. I have to stop that. I would love to get a sequel to my(our) current published novel well on its way. Speaking of books, if you are reading this Mr.You-Know-Who, how are the archives coming along? Been working on them? Don't make me come over there and shake you out of that family tree. While Di is busy elsewhere, you can be making the most of this time to work on your manuscript. I will now scoot my soapbox back under my bed.

So, what am I going to do right this minute? After I send this? More than likely, I am going to gather up my cd player, a few cds, grab a glass of lemonade and sneak off to my bedroom. Hopefully, at some point tonight, I will emerge, log on into chat and spend some time role playing or if not, maybe whip out the laptop and put some of these dreams to words....

Now ask me what I really want... a roman bathtub, candlelight, mounds of bubbles in a scented bubblebath, a strong body to lean back against and two strong, big hands to rub these shoulders and the back of my neck until the 'world' retreats from my consciousness... hey, it could happen. ~grin~

How Do I get Myself Into These Things?

The hubby is a joiner. He will join this club or that club or organization... you get my drift. Innocent enough dontcha think? It could be. It's also a symptom of PTSD (Post Traumatic Syndrome). I have to keep eye on him yet allow him to have a fulfilling life. The line is not always clear. On the other hand, I am not much of a joiner. If I join something I plan to give it my spare time...and like... what spare time?!

Anywho... this weekend is Rodeo weekend. The marine corp league is entering a float for Saturday's parade. The hubby volunteered (yes, he does that alot too)some of our space to bring out the float so the crew can decorate it, which they did. Hubby is in the process of adding the final touches. Where do I come in? The hubby has to make two signs to hang on the float and he could not find any stencils for the letters he liked. Guess who volunteered to search her vast array of fonts, print up the words and is now sitting here outlining and cutting each of those little buggers out? Two sets! How did I get myself into this?

The other thing driving me crazy? All this last minute stuff and running around like a chicken with head's cut off....ARUUUUUUGH!

Okay... I did manage to do some writing today, about 3 parts worth. I just need to find some time to format it for the web page. Looks like that isn't going to be until tomorrow sometime..

Back to the alphabet ~growl~

Welcome to Hump Day

..and trust me, it looks like a large hump to get over, already. We'll make it, that's for sure. The question is, how many aspirins will I consume before I get there? The PITA vendor is on a rampage again. I can't blame her. She's already paid the bills, she deserves her money. If I had it, I would give it to her up front and then worry about collecting it for us. It doesn't work that way. We're a very small company, very small. We have no overhead and given my husband's financial straits before we got together, a loan from someplace is out of the question. We usually don't have this much trouble. Our contractors need us and usually go out of their way to make sure we're taken care of. Bottom line to all this is, we're on it. We're doing what we can as soon as we can. I can offer nothing more except maybe to share my econo-size bottle of Excedrin.

The grandson is fine. They kept him for observation until 5pm last night. In the meantime my daughter managed to get the charcoal in him. ~shudder~ Save me from root beer and french fry incentives. Hey, it got him to take the charcoal, I am grateful.

Little brother came home for his day off down in Citrus Heights. He's a country boy through and through. He needed a home fix as he won't have another day off for about 9 days. The sister store to the one he works for is doing a remodel. They sent him down to help since his store is up for one next month I believe. He's about a 2 hour drive from here so it wasn't much of a hardship. He is working nights and doesn't have to be at work until 9pm tomorrow night. I know he'll be glad when this is over and he can claim his life back.

I'm not feeling too good, leftovers from the abscess tooth I bet, that and getting all the pain medication out of my system. ~blech~ I also have two little shelties to bathe today and it's suppose to thunderstorm again this evening. We're suppose to be going to Sacramento to see the hubby's oncologist on Friday, which means we leave here tomorrow, spend the night and then head back, but, we're going to see if he can be checked up on by his regular doctor here instead. The price of gas is through the roof.

Where's my compost blanket?

Livid and Ranting!

be forewarned... my writing can not express at this moment just how livid I am feeling. About a half hour ago, I received a phone call from my daughter asking if I was going to be home and can I please go pick up my granddaughter from the bus stop as my daughter and FB have to take their youngest to the hospital. My daughter told me she would explain later. I didn't bother to question her at the moment. I told her I would pick up my granddaughter. About 15 minutes ago, I got a call from my daughter, from the hospital. Apparently, FB was getting my daughter's medication for her(she was in the shower and it was one pill) and he set it down on a table or counter(I'm unclear exactly where the pill was set down)for just a minute and when he turned around, lo and behold, there stood my grandson and the pill was gone. When my daughter questioned the grandson(who is 3 yrs old)he just looked at Mom and said, " Sorry about your medicine, Mommy". My daughter was not taking any chances and they whisked the boy off the ER room, where he currently is. So far, the boy seems to be ok, but because they don't know if the lad took the pill or not, the hospital staff is going to pump charcoal into his stomach. I don't think the boy is going to voluntarily swallow it, do you? They may be keeping him overnight for observation.

My rant: I have TOLD and TOLD FB and daughter about 3 year old children. They are curious and quick little buggers. My daughter is usually very good about such things. FB is another matter altogether. Let me explain. FB will leave a sharp knife on the counter, within reach of young children. My daughter will come along and and get into FB's knickers about it. She'll put it safely up. FB's attitude? He'll only do it once. What she and I can't get through his thick head is, ALL IT WOULD TAKE IS ONCE! The type of injury that boy could suffer because of "only once", just the thought of it, pisses me off. Where does FB get such an attitude from? Remember me mentioning before that we are a product of our environment? Oh, you betcha, from his parents. FB's frame of mind is that the boy should know better, they have told him and told him, scolded him, punished him to leave such things alone. If the boy hurts himself, it's his own fault for not listening. Daughter and I have been trying to POUND into FB's head, you're dealing with a 3 year old toddler here. THEY DON'T KNOW BETTER! And even if they do, they forget. Besides which, if an ADULT had not left the damn thing out where a child could get to it, no one would get hurt.

Pills look like candy. Grandson, like most children I know, loves candy. Everything goes into his mouth lately. Recently, we thought the boy had swallowed a penny. False alarm that. However, they have been scolding him and watching him because all manner of things, even though he knows they don't belong there, are going into the boy's mouth. The boy is smart, he knows it's Mom's medicine. He's curious. He may have gotten too curious this time. FB is flipping out. Well hell yes, he should be. He is responsible for this. He is the one who set the damn pill down within reach of his son. Maybe his son wasn't there at the moment when FB got out the pill, but he was there soon after. Will FB learn from this? I bloody well hope so, but I am not holding my breath. Why? Because experience has shown that as soon as the crisis is over, FB will find a way in his own mind to blame everyone and anyone other than himself. I better not hear of it. I more than likely will go get my shovel and start digging.

So, I am soon leaving here to go get my granddaughter, whom I will take care of until FB comes to get her. I will remain civil and oh so quiet. Hopefully, that will speak volumes.

I'll update later.

Got Crackers and Cheese for that Whine?

The last few days have centered around my mouth and the pain with an abscess under one of my teeth. Gratefully, I am now on the mend, but it was one hell of a trip. I haven't needed any type of medication since yesterday. However, what I have introduced into my system, is now working its way out. Working itself out isn't nearly as bad as dealing with the problem, but ugh! I hate feeling this bad. I've got things to do. Okay, so they're getting done slowly, a little here and a little there. I just hate it that my body does not bounce back as quickly as it use to. I think that's about the only thing I miss about youth.... wait... I could do without gravity too. No one told me gravity and getting older were best of friends.. come to think of it... it's not only gravity.. dayam.. there seems to be a whole orgy when I think about it. I'm glad they're having a blast, because I'm not. Still, growing old has it perks (and trust me none of those perks have anything to do with my body, more's the pity).

My knight in shining armour finds the time to send me email to open with my morning coffee. That leaves me all warm and fuzzy and sets a smile on my face.

I have friends and family....

Now... if only my body will behave itself....

I should be so lucky. ~blech~

I'm an Addict

I admit it.. I'm addicted to crunching ice. Even as a little girl, I remember wrapping an ice cube in a paper towel and sprinkling it with salt before chopping it. Don't ask. To this day, I have no earthly idea why the salt. I just know that I make my dentist shudder and I can't tell you the number of lectures I've gotten because of it. Of course, if I had known that by my mid thirties that I needed to take a calcium supplement, I would have and my teeth would be a lot stronger today. The force behind a human jaw biting down is tremendous. I should keep it in mind.

About a month ago, just before we left for Vegas, I was chopping ice like crazy and somewhere during that time, I started to develop a toothache. I had oral surgery done on the tooth in question, namely a root canal. Over the Vegas weekend and in the ensuing week, my jaw started to feel better. Consequently, I started eating on that side again and viola, I'm right back where I started, maybe worse. On a pain level between one and ten, I'd say up until this morning, my pain level was a 9-10. Last night, I religiously took aspirin. This morning is the best I've felt in the last three or four days. My sleep could use improving, but I'll remedy that today. I do not want to go the dentist and have them pull this tooth and spend money I can ill afford AND money that can be better spent elsewhere than on my stupidity. So, if the worse is now over, I shall 1) have more patience with myself, 2) be more careful, 3) NO MORE ICE CRUNCHING. As for the third one, I'm addicted... I wonder if there is a 12 step program out there?

Everything has been put on hold because of this... my writing.. my role playing... business...housekeeping... Aruuuuugh! I'm under strict orders to behave today.. relax, get some sleep.. blah blah blah... I have work to do, things to do...although... mutiny at this point might get me into some deep doo-doo.

FB was going to come out yesterday to bring me some stuff my daughter had for my gums, stuff I forgot to pick up. With the way gas prices are these days, I said no. I'll manage. Bless his heart, he dropped it off at the house on his way to college. There are some days I just have to put my shovel away. I know he is tired. My daughter was in the ER late last night... she's fine or rather they couldn't find an explanation for the symptoms she was expressing. I still worry. Heart problems run in my family, especially my maternal side. Not a good thing. At this writing, all seems to be well. I pray it is so.

Collective thoughts are bouncing around in my head.. but said head hurts too much to make sense at the moment. Sooooo, I think I'll go do what the Captain ordered... at least for now.

Mothers' Day

Everyday is Mothers' Day, it's just that sometimes..ok.. most times.. we don't get to have as nice a day as we do today. Some of us will get breakfast in bed... just think of it....a cup of coffee that has four tablespoons of coffee grounds in it because the kids are not allowed to use the coffeemaker and they wouldn't know how it is done anyway (this also goes for the Big Guy). There may be a bowl of cereal brimming to the rim, two pieces of bread, which have gone soggy by slopping milk from the cereal bowl and torn in places by the butter, a glass of orange juice which is now only half full because the rest of it is curdling the milk on the tray...and only a mother would not see the mess and eat her way through what is set before her then hug, kiss and thank those anxious eyes that are watching....

My children ordered and had delivered, yesterday, a butterfly teapot filled with flowers. I collect teapots. This one is absolutely gorgeous. The note that goes with it reads: " Mom, thank you for everything and your understanding. We love you!"

Affirmation... I love it.

A few words by Carl Sagan

Over the last couple of months, no, make that, the last year, I have found it increasingly hard to role play in Camelot. Since my life changed, starting with my divorce, I have made it a point to be bluntly honest with myself. So, in this case, I asked myself... Why am I avoiding the roleplay and Camelot when both those things mean so much to me? Have I come up with any answers? I'm not sure yet. If I am blunt, one of the problems is a few certain people in the channel. Maybe they are judgment calls, personal judgment calls, but that's the way it is for me. I have found in the last couple of months I am not alone. The people who are driving me up the walls are driving others there too. There's got to be something to that. What's the solution for that one? Damned if I know at this point. What I am sure of is that these people or certain persons anyway, happen to be stifling the creativity of some. It is getting so bad that the whole atmosphere of the channel is suffering for it. I find it amazing how a channel on the cyberhighway can be so affected by the personalities of others and how that in turn affects the whole. Can't those in a position of power just eliminate the problem? For certs, however, would that merely be an abuse of power? Would it be mere vanity? The "thorns" I am sure are basically nice, good people but the bottom line is... they are PITAs (Pain In The Ass). It seems no matter how much an individual tries to talk to them, they just don't get it. No one wants to be responsible for hurting another's feelings, but dammit. Solution? I don't know. Short of getting rid of these people (by a general consensus and we'll all never agree on that I am sure), I don't have any answers except to stay clear. I don't have a problem facing or dealing with problem issues. Hell, I wouldn't have a problem in clearing the PITAs out, IF it were for the general good of the channel. However, while I may wield some power to be able to maintain the general rules for the channel, I do not have the authority to sweepingly go through it and clean it up. Come to that, who am I to make such decisions? The only solution may be to leave, which I would hate to do. I love Camelot and everything it stands for, unfortunately some there have turned the channel into an avoidance instead of a joy. I also know that there would be others to follow if I decided to leave, that was made clear to me last night. Right now, it's very tempting....

SO, where does Carl Sagan come into this? I received an email today with wallpaper for my desktop. It bore something he said and that is thus:

" Imagination will often carry us to worlds that never were, but without it, we go nowhere. "

My imagination, my creativity, my Muse mean everything to me, without them, ~I~ am nowhere.

A Fine Day

Yes, today is turning out to be quite nice even though I was up all night reading The Da Vinci Code. It's a book I am enjoying quite a bit. Started it last night and I am almost done with it. I can see why it is on the Best Seller's List.

Later this afternoon the hubby and I are going to go over to visit friends of ours. They are an older couple who just got back from England and I can't wait to hear all about it. I always enjoy the time I spend with Jackie and Ken. They are a lovely, warm couple. I'm going over to help teach her how to use her re-write cd so she can make copies of pictures. She says she also has a million questions to ask me about the computer too. I guess this means I'll be working for my supper. ~smile~ I don't mind. The time passes so quickly when we are with them. She's making dinner and we're picking up dessert. Sounds like a plan.

Tell Me...

Have you ever had one of those days where you shouldn't play wth machines?

I'm having one~

A Little of This and a Little of That

Celebrating May Day at the Ren Faire was very nice. It got a bit warm but a good time was had by all. I didn't spend money on medieval weapons this year, nothing spoke to me. I did find this wonderful windchime with blue bells and pentagrams. I just love the sound it makes. I just need to hang it now. It's been up in the 90's but it's cooling off today and for the week. This is what I was hoping for so I can get some work done outside. My herbs, in their pots on the front lanai are doing wonderfully, including my chocolate mint (that little dickens has been the bane of my life--it dies), I am surprised and well pleased. In order not to have a wild fire at my back fence again, we're creating a green belt around the property. Oh and speaking of property, I have new neighbors to the south. We'll no longer be the first house on the right. The nice thing is, they are building their house more toward the south east of their property so I don't think I'll feel crowded in like I do to the north side.

Work continues to be my master. This is not a complaint. The more bids we make on projects, the more bids we're likely to get a part of. That means money for our cruise this year. Didn't I mention the cruise? Last Decemeber we went on a 7-day cruise to the Sea of Cortez, Mexico. This year we are planning a 16 day cruise around the Hawaiian Islands. It is something I always wanted to do and it will also allow me to pay my respects to my maternal grandparents and my mother. Their ashes lie in the Puna Hongwanji on the Big Island.

On a less serious note, I want to buy a rice pot!!! Yes, I know they make them here on the mainland, but it isn't the same. I have orders for 3 of them ~grin~ These types of rice pots, that I haven't found anywhere but on the islands, steams rice to perfection and it can stay heated for a few hours. The one I brought with me from Oahu finally wore out and we eat alot of rice. It's the Japanese in most of us here.~grin~

FB: Oh yes, dear reader, did you think you would get off so lightly? I'm not about to spare you, my journal and hence, those of you who read it. We all remember who FB is, right? If not, check the archives. Okay, so let us dive into FB's world or the world according to my daughter.

Daughter dear has been diagnosed with CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) she has her good days and her bad. Lately, she's been having more bad than good. Now I can appreciate and understand FB's frustration as the healthy spouse. For the record, FB isn't all that healthy himself. He suffers from high blood pressure and allergies, which are bad here in the North State. He also suffers from a bad case of mememememe. Woe is me... why me... I'm-gonna-eat-some-worms-me. FB's greatest thorn is that family (as in us, his in-laws) don't offer to help out more. What it really boils down to is, why don't they offer to make my life easier? Believe me, I've taken a hard line with this one and FB in general. Daughter knows it and why. I could see my way clear to help out more IF FB made the effort to buckle down and do for himself and his without all the whining. Observation: FB would make a great Blues composer. Instead, FB rather blame everyone, especially his wife, for his woes and impending failures. FB is currently enrolled in college, working toward his degree in Business. FB is having a very hard time with Statistics and Economics. He seems to think he may be doing okay in Econ. He picks a fight with the daughter because he doesn't have enough time to study. He does have time to play his video game or help his father with dad's business. Believe me, I have nothing against him helping his dad, but that's another blog for another day and dad is a piece of work. Like I said, another blog for another day. FB is further suffering from frustration in trying to balance school, taking care of family and hearth (when it is necessary) and helping out his dad.

Like I said, I would have no problem in helping him out BUT (and there's always a but in there somewhere, isn't there?) FB would take advantage of it by assuming that the matter is taken care of and therefore, he doesn't have to make any kind of effort in that direction. Wrong assumption. One, FB has ticked me off in the past over stupid crap...two, I/we won't always be around to help out..and three, if he made the effort, knuckled down and drug himself out to do it himself, I would gladly help, but FB is basically lazy. He's admitted so much himself. Why put himself out over something he can get someone else to do for him? I will say again, " We are a product of our enviroment." Guess where he got that attitude from? He has also told his wife that when he comes home from school and finds her lying on the couch, it reminds him of his mother (his mother has a host of medical problems, the forefront one being Wilson's Disease.) it's something he doesn't want to deal with. He doesn't want to understand his wife's medical condition, he doesn't want to have to assume all the responsibilities when it's time. I can't say I blame him, who does? But you know what? When you marry someone it's because you love them, because you want to spend your life with them, through sickness and health and for riches or proverty. It all doesn't matter because you love them. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, maybe there's a strength in me he just doesn't have, I don't know. I just know it's time for him to step up to the plate, quit being a whiner because there is no time for 'me' and do what he needs to do. That's what love is. You step up to the plate, you deal with whatever pitch comes your way and you don't whine or feel sorry for yourself. You just do what needs to be done because it does. FB makes me grind my teeth. My mantra is still: He will grow up, he is a good person, he really is.

I have no doubt about the love he has for his children. Sometimes, I even think he loves my daughter. He just wants to 'play house' his way and Life is knocking him around trying to get his attention. One of these days he'll find out that Life, reality, is alot harsher than those romantic vision goggles he still tries to look out of and one of these days, if he isn't careful, I'm gonna snap those things while they're still on his face...just like a rubberband. In the meantime, I'm going to go out and oil up my shovel...just in case.

Shift gears: Here I sit when I should be away from the chains of this computer if only for a little while. The day is beautiful with a nice breeze. Dang that hammock looks good. There's a spot of housework to be done, a bit of tinkering outside to do, oh, and look, my son the vidiot is home from work early. ~hehehe~ Hmmm... takeout pizza sounds good for dinner. I've decided. I'm closing the kitchen. Everyone cough up a couple of bucks.. who's making the pizza run anyway? What? No one wants to go? Fine. You all can starve. Personally, I have my glass of lemonade and my secret stash.. I'm not telling. It wouldn't be a secret anymore. My mother had at least two children with some sense.

You all take care. Have a wonderful day and if you are at the other end of the world where your day is winding down, enjoy your evening. Life is good.