Asteroids? Twilight Zone? Black Holes, Maybe?

Weird! That one word sums it up pretty well. At first I blamed in on the full moon (sorry Mom), you know how it gets, crazy like and out of whack.... that is, if I knew what whack is, but you get my drift. However, it has become far more obvious to me that it is worse than the full moon's influence. I don't just see it happen to me either, but around me too. Want an idea? Here we go:

Around 4pm I had started giving Cheyenne and Cherokee their baths. I believe I finished up around 5pm. I needed a shower after that. They always manage to get me soaked. I did the usual, locked the front door and started up the shower. I don't think I was in there for more than a half hour, start to finish. When I came out to my desk, the one behind the couch, I noticed the phone was flashing. This means there is a msg on the answering machine and I can use the remote feature on the phone to access the msg, which I did. The phone had a tremendous amount of static, much like my daughter's phone sounds. Through the static I could hear a harsh whisper saying, "Mom......Mom." then nothing and the call ends. It sounded like my daughter. Trying not to panic, I call her house only to have FB answer. I had forgotten that he had not gone to school that day because he was not feeling well. So, I was feeling a bit more relieved. He told me that daughter was sleeping. Even more relief. I asked him to have her call me when she woke up. She did. It wasn't her. She did say however she had been feeling so bad that she took a shower and when the hot water ran out, she merely stayed in the tub, curled up wanting her mommy. I chalked the call down to weird. When Troll came home from work, I asked him to listen to it and tell me what he heard. He listened several times and came to the same conclusion I did. I told him it wasn't daughter. We both knew it wasn't Sprout. Sprout was already home from work. He asked if I called my number 1 son. I said no. The feeling I got was it was daughter not either sons, but I called him anyway, nope, not him. Weird.

Sprout came home yesterday from work with a hole in his head. You heard me right, a hole in his head, right in the middle of his forehead. He works construction. He was up on a ladder (10 feet up) using his cat's paw. Now that's a tool they use to pull out nails. He was yanking on this stubborn nail and well, the cat's paw flipped off and back of it hit him in the forehead. Blood gushed. Of course it would. It's a head trama, those bleed a lot. His boss yells at him to get down the ladder. What does Sprout do? Stays up there until he gets the nail pulled. Why? There was no way in HELL that nail was going beat him. The older guys were impressed. Needless to say, he came down after that. The bleeding stopped and he has this little puckered, scabbed over, hole in his head. I checked him out. H's fine. I can feel another white hair sprouting through my hairline. Well, at least I still have hair.

In the community we've had two stupid car accidents in just the past 24 hours. People making poor judgment calls which have resulted in deaths. In one of them, I had just been on that road about 3 hours before the accident happened. Someone got impatient and went to pass illegally.

We also had a 15 yr old boy take a shotgun, literally blow off the head of a woman, point blank range. Then he turned the gun on himself, ending his own life.

I'm sure if I stop and reflect a wee bit longer, I can think of more incidents, more than the usual full moon type incidents we get.

I don't think tightening down the old pith helmet is going to help either. But you know what? I don't think it's gonna hurt.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In other news fronts, Mr. Mushy is recovering nicely and he is working on the problems that have been plaguing us lately. Kudos for that. Speaking of Mr Mushy, we just got told by the VA Health care system that the ER trip to the local hospital back on Aug. 13, 2004 would not be covered by the VA Admin. Why? Because a VA facility was available. Well Duh. When it is open. This was way after closing, on a Friday. Mr Mushy had a blood pressure of 84/54. Like he is suppose to wait until Monday to get treatment? I think not. Someone has a screw loose and if the VA thinks they are not going to pay this? They better think again. We make every effort to use the VA facility because they take very good care of Mr Mushy there. I rather travel there than all the way across town. Some clinician better go back and actually read the paperwork this time.

My determination to declutter my house of a lifetime of stuff, accumulated from a lifetime of moves, is still strong but I find myself getting waylaid by other factors. I just have to keep reminding myself that it didn't get this way in a day or a year. Have patience. It does look better already and I even have rubbed off on my daughter to a wee extent.. Muhahaha. Hey, I've even lost weight. Cool. I like that extra benefit.

Sunday has been declared a "Girls Day Out." Miss Pookie has done most excellently in school since it started. So Daughter and I have decided to reward her. The three of us are going to see "Shark Tales", maybe even have lunch afterwards. In the meantime, Miss Pookie and her brother are coming for their usual evening with us here tomorrow. Miss Pookie gets to stay until Saturday. Apparently my grandson has been a typical 3 yr old. My daughter lives for these days when she gets some time to herself. *snort* I never got things like this when I was raising my kids. Hm. That has me thinking about something else but it's getting late and I have to get up early in the morning. There are things to do before Mr Mushy heads off for one of his monthly meetings. Remind me. I'll get back to it. Kids and their education. .. a few other points.

Catch ya on the flip side.

Da Shroom Goes To The Big City

Do you know what you get when you take a shroom out of the country and stick it in the city? You get a claustrophobic shroom. The city is nice place to visit, but I'm usually the first one out the door and into the car when it's time to leave. In this case San Francisco has too many people, too many vehicles and too many small streets crammed into close quarters. We found a place to stay on the Great Highway. It runs along the western seaboard so that wasn't so bad. Although I am still trying to understand what the surfers get so excited about, all I saw were 2 foot swells. *chuckle* Okay so being from Hawaii makes me an elitist.

Mr Mushy Update: The heart cath went well. I even got to take him back to the hotel the same day after the procedure, about 6 hours later. The room was already paid for, non-refundable, so we took the opportunity to relax, veg and just enjoy being together. The biggest thing about this was that the 72-73% blockage the previous cardio doc found last year, isn't there. Gone. Poof. The doctor at Ft Miley seems to think that the meds Mr Mushy has been on this past year has dissolved the blockage. He has a bit of plaque but nothing bad. I can tell a weight has lifted from his shoulders. I just have to put the brakes on him because they just sliced open his femoral artery and plugged it up. He has to take it easy for a week. *snarl* The man tries my patience. It's a damn good thing I love him.

One of the new things I got to try was Thai food. Lady Bless, I don't know why I haven't tried it before this. I guess I just never thought about it. The food was good. I love the blending of spices. Mr Mushy was bit concerned at first that it might be too spicy and hot for his liking, but for what we ordered, it wasn't. I didn't care much for Thai ice tea but I loved the hot tea. It's very soothing. We'll definitely have it again.

One of San Francisco's charms has to be their old houses. Each one seems to have a story to tell and I wish I could explore them all. Some of them are painted quite cheerfully with color which, I don't feel, distracts from them at all. I find it quite amusing. I also noticed that where we were you don't find many fast food places, but quaint little shops that have a personality of their own. That makes it quite nice as well. The melting pot of cultures to be found is fascinating.

Mr. Mushy drove us out of the big city yesterday. I could have, would have, at the expense of my sanity and probably his, but he took pity upon me. He drives those city streets so fearless, I swear I have to close my eyes, hum a little tune and rock myself where I sit. When I do venture to open my eyes, I people watch. Fascinating.

I was happy to get home and see the Xoo.... that is... until I walked in the door and saw what those 6 miniature demon, furball dust rags did to my livingroom. The things children do when mom and dad are away. *eye roll*. The only bad thing is, I can't make them pick it up. The shelties wouldn't leave us alone all last night. They were as happy to see us as we were to see them.

Today, we're back to being furniture.. but they don't fool us... we know we're loved.

Ready Or Not

We decided to head for San Francisco tomorrow instead of going down Tuesday morning. It's a good thing we did. We got the faxed paperwork and he has a full day ahead of him on Tuesday. From the looks of it, they'll be doing the heart cath on Wednesday and they want to keep him for the day. So, all things accounted for, we should be heading back home on Thursday.

I try very hard not to dwell on the matter with worry. I don't borrow trouble or at least, I try not to. In this case, I don't have any reason I can see for worrying. He came through the last time just fine. Of course, I have to state that the last time we were in the finest hospital our city has to offer. They have the best cardio dept here. This time we must rely on the expertise of the cardio doc the Veterans Administration has to offer. I get a bit leery here, simply because these doctors see so many patients in one day and it has been my experience that they can be quite removed from the situation. That said, I have to also say that to date, we have been very lucky with the medical staff we have encountered over the last 8 years when dealing with the hubby's health issues. I would have been much more comfortable at Martinez or in Sacramento but because hubby is a high risk, it's off to S.F. we go. Ugh. I hate the city. It has its' merits but I am always so glad to get home again.

At this time, I am unsure if I am taking my laptop. I'm pretty much divided on the issue right now. I hate hauling the big case around, so we'll see. There's no data port at the Inn but that's okay. I've used the phone jack before. Duh. All I can say for sure is that Tuesday is going to be busy getting the pre-op work-up done and then seeing the cardio doc. Wednesday is going to be stressful until they get him back in his room and I know he is okay. Then I'll relax and maybe enjoy the view of the Pacific Ocean.

Good Thoughts. *nodnodnod*

Mr Mushy

Last year we ended up putting Mr. Mushy in the hospital. What we thought was a heart attack turned out to be a blood clot. In the meantime the cardiologist determined that Mr Mushy needed an angiogram to see what was going on. He found that there was blockage of about 72% ( I think it was) which is about 2% more than it use to be. Still, the doctor said that the blood was getting to his heart but eventually, this was something that was going to have to be dealt with.

We're going to Ft. Miley San Francisco next week, the 21st through the 23rd. We need this like we need another hole in the head. Business is still slow. Luckily, I have plastic for emergencies such as these. Apparently Mr Mushy needed a nitro a couple of nights ago. He didn't tell me until today. He says the discomfort wasn't bad, it was just, uncomfortable. At least all my harping on him is paying off. He felt discomfort, he took a nitro. I did have to get after him a bit though. I told him he needed to let me know these things. Knock wood should anything bad happen, but if it did, I don't want to get blindsided thinking everything has been okay and it hasn't. At least, by knowing he's had discomfort, I am aware of what is going on.

I can't beginning to tell you how this news makes me feel. I haven't spoken directly with Mr Mushy this evening. I had to run into town with Troll on some errands and by the time we got home, Mr. Mushy was already gone. He has a memorial service to see to this evening. I found the information on the calendar. By the Lady I am weary. I hate living with all this worry but there is nothing for it but to gather up the energies and step forward and handle what comes our way.

Soapbox

There are many things happening around us at the moment, violence, anger, worry, fear, to name a few. It seems to escalated. Now to my way of thinking, which is usually from a forty-five degree angle, it could mean some things are coming to a head soon, a big bang, so to speak. It could also mean digging in for the longer haul.

Let's take the war on terrorism for a moment. War is a nasty business. In a better world, a more learned world, I would like nothing better than to see people sitting down at a table and hammering out differences instead of sacrificing their people to the finality of death. The reality is that while we have progressed as human beings toward this goal and we're certainly a lot better at it than eons ago, we still have a long road in front of us. So long as there are people who rather cultivate their egos than think of others, so long as there are truly insane, greedy men in this world, so long as we continue to have insecurities and small minds, there are going to be wars. Unfortunately, with the wars comes death to someone's loved one.

History, U.S. history, has shown that we have always been in a position of damned if we do and damned if we don't. We have tried to stay out other nations' business and we get our peers condemning us for doing nothing. We make it our business and we get accused of being overbearing, egotistical and godlike. So, what stand do we take? There are not too many countries out there willing or capable of helping others to achieve what we have. Everyone looks to us for help and looks at us first to lay the blame.

While humanity is one of our priorities, we must also look to our own security. This country has lived too long in rose-colored glasses that no one would dare come over here, let alone be able to, terrorize us. How those glasses were shattered, so forcefully, so painfully, so quickly. Put the blame where you will, the bottom line is, we have been living in our own little utopia, thinking ourselves beyond reach. We're not, not anymore. We must now look ahead, to project any threat to our way of life. We're not being paranoid about it, but merely making calculated decisions, based primarily on previous behavior, decisions by other countries. If other small countries are taken over by forces contrary to our own way of life, what is the possibility of a threat to us? Do we merely watch and wait until they bring it to us? Will that be too late? We don't want them pounding on our doors. One death is one too many, but what would be the number of deaths if they came here? Until we can educate, until we can get them to accept that we all just want to play nice in the world, we must, must, be vigilant in protecting what so many lives have already been lost for. Those deaths must never ever be in vain. We owe it to them, we owe it to our children to protect the legacy of freedom given to us those many long years ago.

Someone must lead this country, for good or not so good, in the eyes of our people. This person must have the integrity to understand what he asks of the men and women guarding this great nation and one who does not take it lightly, yet is unafraid to do so should the need arise. People get hurt, people even die and yes, the masses must have someone to take their frustration and anger out on over such decisions and actions. In the end, we have the freedom and the right to speak of our anger in public, to point a finger, to cusss, discuss, to even unviolently show our disgust because this person had the moxie to make a decision that will secure not only our freedom and rights but also give another country the right to do so for themselves. Sometimes, we not only owe it to ourselves, but we also must give something back to the world, to help it become a better place and getting there isn't always prettily wrapped because there are people out there that are plain ugly. It will be their way or no way. We're here to tell them there is another way without oppressing human dignity, without threatening human life and if the only way we're going to get your attention is by kicking in your doors, we can do that too.

In this world there will always be people of peace, seeking the peaceful solution and there will always be people willing to die to secure their right to do so.

The Grove on This Saturday

Well, for one thing, it's quiet. *grin* That's always a pleasant thing to enjoy. Troll has gone off to work. Sprout is just now dragging his tush out of bed (he got in around 3am this morning. He was gaming. He's a vidiot) but I don't expect to hear much out of him anyway on his days off. Usually I hear a grunt or a whine for food. Mr. Mushy is getting into his uniform as he has a funeral to do today. As for myself, I'm waiting for the house to clear so I can do a bit of work, then relax some. I'm not feeling on par today. I hope I am not catching what seems to be going around.

Yesterday I damn near shocked myself into the other room. NOT MY FAULT! Mr. Mushy and Troll leveled out my new washer and unbeknownst to either of them, the drain hose fell out so when a load of laundry was done, the water flooded the laundry room. The majority of it soaked into the particle board we had laid down temporarily. There must have been some sort of puddle under the dryer because when I touched the dryer.. ZAP. Now I know how bugs feel. Damn if I didn't feel that tingling all the way up my arm and back down through my knee. Wheeee... NOT.

I'm not adverse to taking it easy today since I've worked pretty dang hard all week. I certainly am feeling better in outlook and my house is holding up under the decluttering stage even if the men are not. I seem to be hearing a lot of whining. Although, they haven't got a clue yet. I haven't even started on their personal 'domains'. As if they have any sort of domain under my roof. *snort* Yeah. Right.

The Muse is clicking again. Nothing solid to put down on electronic paper yet, but just the idea that my mind is spinning things around is good. I also got in some good role playing last night, thank you Mr. Bill. It also helped further my thought process.

I didn't take the grandbabies this week. I just wasn't up to it but I promised Pookie next week for sure. She made me chuckle last night when I spoke to her before she went to bed.

Me: Hi Pookie. You going to bed now?
Pookie: Um-hm.
Me: How are you? Have you been a good girl today for Mom?
Pookie: Ummmmm... sorta.

*snicker* The girl doesn't lie. Love her to bits.

Choices

I'm not sure I can pinpoint exactly when it all started and I'm not sure I can exactly say when I noticed it, but I can say that I realized that I didn't like the way I was/am. To be more explicit, I became aware of snapping at people, finding fault and that's all I seemed to do, at least, that's the way it seemed to me. More than once I found myself saying how much I hated being like this and that I really need to change my outlook and thereby change how I project to others. It stands to my reasoning that if I don't like myself, who else can? So, that meant a hardcore, do not spare myself, inventory and a merciless search through myself to see what was causing this crap because something was and it all starts with me. There have been some hardcore questions to ask myself and some hardcore answers. If I wanted things to change, I have to be hardcore with myself. People, friends, loved ones, can tell you what they see, but it does little good unless you see them for yourself.

I hated the rut I seem to be mired in, no time for myself to do the things I love doing and if I did tell the world to bugger off and do them, everything else got sent by the wayside. Not good. My writing is my heart and soul and even that has been forced most times of late. Not good. There have been times I felt so torn between my personal relationships and doing the things I want to do that I simply chose to ignore everything. Again, not good.

There are things I let slip including my pride in my home and even in myself. I found myself retreating more and more inside myself and almost disappearing from the face of the world, so to speak. There was no joy, no pleasure. Not me. Don't like it.

Well, if I don't like something I have the choice of changing it. Making that decision alone is not easy but once acknowledged, then comes an even harder part, doing something about it. It's so much more difficult simply because in order to effect a change I have to decide what to keep in my life and what to let go. I have to decide what is important enough to work on and if I have the willingness to work at it and if so, be willing to put the time into effecting that change. How much of me is there to go around? Ah, now there is another difficult decision. I like to think of myself as superwoman, able to deal with and handle each and everything in my path. Maybe when I was younger all that was possible. I had the energy and the time. I had the fire. That's not saying I don't have it now. Now, is different not less. I think the only thing less I have is time. Now there's honesty for you. Even if I don't know exactly how much time I do have. I do know it's less than before and because of that, I now have to be more selective in what I find worthy of my time and efforts. Lady Bless, that sounds condescending, doesn't it? It wasn't meant that way.

Self pity brings you down. I believe that. With my quirky sense of humor I indulge myself once in a blue moon but usually with humor in tow. The humor is usually pointed at myself, keeps me from wallowing too deeply.

I had to decide then what I wanted to see, wanted to feel. I want to look at the world around me and see positive things, not always to point out the bad or annoying. I want to see and hear my friends and family happy around me because I am. As much as I do not like being the 'rock' in my family's lives, I have to understand that I am. If I am off center or rather, a half bubble off plum, then my family is. There is no escaping that.

So, I've set about righting my life, changing the things I can and discarding what is not useful or needful. The change starts not only inside myself but in my surroundings. It starts with the clutter that surrounds me.

I've only been at it a few days but already I feel better. Change isn't easy. I find myself slipping and I hope friends and family forgive me for that. I see the change in the way Mr. Mushy reacts to me and with me. I see the minute changes in how my family are also reacting to this conversion of mine. I'm human, I want it all and I want it now, but by the same token I realize Rome wasn't built in a day and I didn't get this way in a day either. I have to have patience with myself but I also have to continue to make the dedicated effort to change. Little things with baby steps. It's less overwhelming that way. Some days, I still slip up. Some days, things don't get done as I want them or at all. I have to forgive myself and tell myself that tomorrow will be a better day and I will accomplish something new. I will change one thing, no matter how little and one day I'll realize I've done it and hopefully be granted the time to enjoy it.

Choices. We all have them.

Life In General

Did I ever mention I hate routines? Especially when they concern me. *sigh* Quite necessary, I understand, but damn if I am not chafing against the harness. I'm not ready to throw in the towel however. I realize that I can uncomplicate, de-stress, simplify, and unfrustrate my life if I hang in there, tweak this program a little to fit my lifestyle. The problem is just finding the right amount of tweaking. It is working. There's just so much of it to see to though. *chuckle* Now if the people in my life will bear with me, I know it will get better. My family life seems to be improving. It's been a subtle shift but I feel and see it. It's amazing to me to see them actually shifting with me and the house as I implement these new routines.

Pookie kinda unsettled me yesterday, frightfully so and I don't unsettle easily, not like this. Daughter calls and tells me Pookie is crying and is very upset. Why I ask. Daughter isn't sure what brought it on, but Pookie is going on about how she doesn't want her grandma to die. Ooookay. So I tell daughter to put Pookie on the phone. ( Now mind you, I just took her home a few hours earlier from spending the night with me and she was fine) So I ask Pookie what was wrong. Again she repeats, to me this time, how she doesn't want me to die. I asked her what made her think of that. Through tears she tells me she doesn't know, maybe a burglar or a murderer. *blink* Ooookay. So what else am I left to do with a very upset little girl except to tell her that her grandma is going to be around for a long time, that I do not plan on dying for a long time yet and if anyone tries to hurt me, Uncle Troll and Uncle Sprout will beat them up. After reaffirming how much I love her and that I am going to be okay, she seems to have calmed down. Daughter doesn't know where that came from and neither do I. It wasn't so much the words that unsettled me, it was the pain and upset I heard in Pookie's voice that got to me.

Kittens.. little devils with furry paws... that get into EVERYthing. They found my bag of shredded paper and I now have shredded paper spread from my kitchen, through my dining room and into my office. ARUUUUGH! How could they have done so much in so little time? Yeah well, I suppose having six of the little darlings would go along way to explaining it. They are everywhere these days.. One must shuffle their feet at night when a light isn't viable or you could end up stepping on one. My feet were attacked last night. Fine way to get jolted out of sleep, let me tell you. It won't be so bad once they get a bit bigger and a bit older and find the pet door. They will start exploring the out of doors then.

We're having a double funeral today. One is for my 8 (plus) year old washing machine and the other is for my pocketbook. *sigh* No babying it, no bubblegum and baling wire will fix it. I am dragging my feet at the moment before I have to go in town and shop for this critter. Gods, I hate shopping.

Mr. Mushy is requesting my presence. *whimper*

Whooo-Hoooo and Other Things

Mercury in Retro ends today! I feel like a like ground hog poking its nose out. I am still cautious as it takes about a week for the effects of the retro to completely fade out.

I am watching the news on the inbound hurricane. I hope it doesn't impact hard. I hope those I care about and their loved ones stay safe. Geez, it makes me wonder what this winter is going to bring.

I am at the end of my teeter with politics. It doesn't matter what party it is, they both can not get away from either defending their positions or trashing one. Does anyone in the general consensus know what the platforms are? Hell, I have been so convoluted with all the tripe, I'm not sure I know what the platforms are myself. Let's focus here people! Sheesh.

Aside from other serious issues I have been examining in my life, another one seems to be whether or not to leave our online channel, Camelot. I am hardly ever there and when I am, getting into character is hard most times. I feel like I am limping along and halfheartedly too. Not good. I was given Ops because I proved worthy of the channel. Now, I give it less. I am still debating in my mind over matters, including if I can give it the attention it deserves. For the moment, my husband needs my attention and how much to give of my nights to Camelot and how much to my hubby, is weighing on my mind. I love Camelot. I love how it was when I first came there. I love how it has been... what I don't love is how it is now. There's something missing and I can't put my finger on it exactly. I can't figure out why it doesn't hold my attention or my desire to be there at the moment. More importantly, I don't have a solution either.

Well that's a fine note to end this blog on, isn't it? *wry grin* Well, even mushrooms can't be jolly all the time.

Have a safe and wonderful holiday weekend, people.

Of Karma

Well since that last bit by FB, he has been behaving himself. He takes the public transportation to school everyday, doesn't try or even think about cheating by using the car. He has been studying at school in his spare time. Good thing, being on academic probation is not pleasant and certainly he won't get into the university with a 2.1 grade average. I hope some of this has sunk in.

FB went to court this past Monday about his latest episode. The Asst. DA advised the court and FB that since he is due to get his license back on the 17th of next month, he needs to return to court on the 25th and show proof he has his license back. If he can do that, they will job all the recent (current charges). That means no added fines for getting busted while suspended.

I guess it pays off when you pay attention to karma.

DUH.

Taking A Step Back

I have spent the last three days reassessing my life and the way I function in a daily routine. Part of me hates the thought that I do function in a routine, but by the same token I have to acknowledge the need for such things. I do not lead a slow leisurely paced life, by the Lady, I wish I did. I also have been bitching (and yes, I use the word for emphasis here) about not having enough time for anything I want to do, play online, write, work on the website, paint ceramics, whatever it may be. So, I had to determine why that was. I came to the conclusion that I am forever redoing over and over, sometimes in a big way, the simply housekeeping chores. My house is a cluttered disaster and it frustrates me and it doesn't allow me to do anything else. Something had to be done about it. I remember reading an email in one of my various online groups about this place. I decided to give it try. If you're curious, you can check it out here. I thought, nahhh, this won't work for me.. trust me it works. I have been working on it since yesterday and I see the vast improvement. I have a loooong way to go, but dang, I can see the results already. The men in this house have been put on notice that they need to make things easier for me by concentrating on doing their part. I have worked too hard so far to let them get away with making a mess and me cleaning up behind them because they are just being too lazy to do so AND because I have been allowing them to do so since it is easier than listening to myself talk. No more. I am busting my arse to get it all nice, purty, organized, and decluttered. THEY ARE going to help keep that way or I'm breaking out the cast iron skillet or the baseball bat, whichever I can get my hands on first.

This website I pointed out above, it's not for everyone, but I encourage all domestic engineers to check it out. There are a lot of little reminders that come floating through your email but I rather like them. They help keep me on track and remind me of things and how to be good to myself as well. I thought I was organized before, but I'm learning new things. I knew I needed to declutter this house, but the job seemed overwhelming and it was like, " Where to start?" This helps me so much. It may take me awhile to get there, but I'll get there and I know I'll find time for all those things I want to enjoy. More than that, I actually feel like I have accomplished something everyday and that certainly is a nice feeling.